Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
