Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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