dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
