i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
