I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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