I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
