Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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