i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
