that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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