My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
