There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
