Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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