I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
