He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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