1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize