I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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