My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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