There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
