it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize