whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
