I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
