I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
