Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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