just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
