gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
