words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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