I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize