Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize