this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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