U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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