so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
