Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
