Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
