i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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