There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize