Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she peed on how many people?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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