Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize