Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
