I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
