i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
