I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
