i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
