you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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