his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
