I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
