I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
