I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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