She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
