wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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