Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
