Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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