I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
