Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
People with herpes should wear stickers.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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