sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
