I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
