So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
