Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
