This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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