there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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