Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
