I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
