You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
