Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
