I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize