Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
even my farts smell like vagina
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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