Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize