she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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