I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
