Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
