so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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