is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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